I promise, I haven't forgotten about this blog, sometimes I get real busy and life ust flies by as if hole days have vanished. It is funny how I am the least 'busy' person I know yet I seem to have so much to do all the time and I don't honestly know why. Either way, I haven't been ignoring this blog at all, actually I have been trying to educate myself with the help of a a fellow blogger--mommy nut--and I have been trying my darndest to make improvements here so that I can look at this blog and think, "Man who done that!" and mean it in a good way.
I am truly working hard to make this a blog (as well as all of my blogs) to be something I don't mind charing with the world and that the world wouldn't mind visiting. I am very critical of this site because it does mean so much to me that I be able to share my feelings and beliefs as accurately as I can.
To me being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints is more than something I do on Sundays, I am trying so hard to live my religion so that I can live as an example of how great my religion is. Most people Judge a church by the people who attend it, I know it isn't right to judge, and I know that just because unrighteous people attend a church doesn't mean it is unrighteous, but I also know that even though it isn't right or isn't so doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I want for a person to be able to meet me and know that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints and that I have been blessed because of it.
I am so tired of hearing, "I knew a mormon once and that is why I don't like your church" and "I knew a mormon once and they didn't have anything to do with me cause I wasn't a mormon" or even "mormons, don't they have a ton of wives" this just goes to show how swift people are to judge a church by the people who go to it, rather than what the church teaches. I honestly can say that it doesn't bother me if someone doesn't believe what I believe. Whatever a person believes is up to them. I am not trying to convert the world. I know that not everyone has it in them to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, it takes a lot of self control and determination to be a worthy member. I have a lot of friends who are members of other religions and faiths, and I love them all the same. I just want to be able to clear up miscommunications, I want to be able to educate, and I want to be able to learn.
As this blog continues it will improve, because each day I am learning something new. Please keep up the faith and check back often.
thankyou and God bless
Friday, October 30, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Do you ever have those "wowser" moments when something you have been told finally sinks in and you realize exactly what everyone meant when they said it? Well today I had one and I had it in a rather marvolous way.
In August my life had a few minor changes that seemed to effect me in a major way, so much that I was starting to let other peoples opinions about my abilities start to affect my confidence. Despite what I want people to believe I am actually rather sickly, and at points I have thought hard about how much longer I might be allowed to live on this earth. I am rather young, in August I turned 25 yrs old, and yet I am dealing with things that most people don't deal with till they are much older and some never have to deal with it. I want to point out here that I have never taken illegal drugs and I have never abused any kind of drugs, I have never knowingly drank alcohol and once I found out liquid cough medicine had alcohol in it I have stopped taking that also. At a young age I had a friend and she had many family members who struggled with addictions and I could see (even at my young age) just how difficult their lives were because of it so I avoided all those things so that I wouldn't have those difficulties, which is why I find it rather absurd that at the age of 23 I began suffering symptoms that would usually only be brought on by the illegal use of drugs and alcohol abuse.
I Have a movement disorder that has left me disabled, I have had to give up many things I love, and at times I am not allowed to be alone. One never seems to notice how great their alone time is until they no longer have it. Despite all my attempts to stay positive at times it is definitaly overwhelming not only for me but also for my family and friends that are aware of most of my daily struggles, or for those who have to stand by and watch and my body tosses around and hear the moans and groans knowing that nothing is being done, and as far as anyone knows nothing can be done to make them stop or to "fix" me.
Before becoming disabled in 2008 I can honestly tell you my life wasn't exactly a walk in the park, it has always seemed to be full of trails, disappointments, and discouragements. I have strayed from the church, I have found my way back, I have loved and lost, and I have found love where I never imagined it to be. I am not complaining, don't get me wrong, I am thinkful that I have learned all I know and that I have been able to grow and mature as I have, without the struggles I wouldn't have my strength. I always knew that God would never give me more than I could handle, and then in 2006 I was sitting in a Abnormal Psychology class and at the end of the lesson on schitzophrenia I walked out questioning that. I remember in the lesson the teacher said that most people don't begin suffering from schizophrenia until the later teens early 20s, and that it is usually brought on by great stress, as if the mind snaps under the pressure which meant to me that obviously God has given some more than they can handle and in return they become schizophrenic.
With all the stress in my life I have often wondered if/when I might snap and start hearing voices, at some times my struggles where so intense I was certain I couldn't survive through them. I never cursed the Lord, I can't say I have never questioned him, but as far as I can remember I have never cursed him because I knew that despite the point that he had control over all things, Satan was allowed certain 'priveleges' and I know my struggles were sent by Satan and not God and so it seemed I was constantly cursing Satan. And the biggest hit was knowing that at points God can give you more than you can handle or there would be no schizophrenics running around hearin voices.
well to get back to my ahha/'wowser' momment. In August, school was about to begin and I lost my little helper, Jessica, and and that left me with 7+ kids that I was watching (due to a huge misunderstanding/scheduling conflict) and I stood infront of a judge who was dumbfounded that I was as sick as I was and that my husband was leaving me home with my son (he wasn't aware that when I lost my little helper I was now babysitting the kids she was taking care of while keeping an eye on me--it is a rather complicated situation). After listening to the judge and talking to a few other people I began to panic, I started to imagine what could happen, I started to not only question my abilities but I also questioned my worth. My health started to falter and I as the stress piled on I continued to wonder just how could I continue to do what I was doing.
I really started to panic as I continously contacted person after person, and agency after agency looking for a helper who could replace Jessica, but no such help, I either didn't qualify, or couldn't pay what they wanted. I really started to fear just what might happen if I was to fall and hurt myself with all those kids in my care. I pretty much had nervous break down, and the point that we had 2 extra little boys living with us that were not making my life at all easy didn't help. I finally did admit defeat and I sent those 2 little boys home to their mom, who then sent them who knows where, but that is a different story for another post. I asked the mom that she not bring the boys back, suddenly the 7 kids I watched where only 5 and since one went to a school that was in another town he no longer came to the house on a daily basis, so that took the 5 kids to 4, and since my son was in school from 8am till 2:30 pm that meant I really only cared for 3 kids.
I know without a doubt in my mind that if I was to stop babysitting all together that the parents I babysit for wouldn't be able to find anyone else who would only charge them what I am charging, I have looked and babysitters seem to want well over $2 an hour, some want as much as $10 an hour, I even saw one who was asking for $15 an hour, I charge $10 a day for one kid and $15 a day for 2 and with both my families struggling financially I know what a blessing it is for them to get such a great deal. I was building up the strength to tell the parents that I was getting too sick to babysit anymore and one of the mommies (she was completely unaware of what I was about to do) made it a point to thank me, she was in tears as she thanked me for all the help I have been, and she admitted if it wasn't for me she wouldn't be able to work, and as a single mom she really has to work.
anyhow, after that I couldn't give up, so I bucked up and I did what any mom would and I just dealt the card dealed me. I learned my strengths, and I learned my weaknesses. I learned who I could count on in a bind and I figured out who woudl flake. I found true friends and I discovered fakes one also. But when all was said and done I realized that I'm a survivor, at least to this point. When I finally leaned to the Lord and started following his guidance I realized I had way more strength than I coul even imagine. Life isn't perfect, I still struggle, I'm still sick, and some days I just have to admit defeat and throw up a white flag, but I have come to love the days I get to spend with my 3 little angels (who hold their halos up on their horns).
Anyhow, today when I logged onto facebook I noticed a friend was online and so I thought I would just say Hey, but as I began chatting with her I remembered totally complaining and panicking to her a few months earlier about not knowing what I would do without a helper, and so as I informed her that hope wasn't lost I realized exactly what every one meant when they told me 'god would never give me more than I coudl handle.
In August my life had a few minor changes that seemed to effect me in a major way, so much that I was starting to let other peoples opinions about my abilities start to affect my confidence. Despite what I want people to believe I am actually rather sickly, and at points I have thought hard about how much longer I might be allowed to live on this earth. I am rather young, in August I turned 25 yrs old, and yet I am dealing with things that most people don't deal with till they are much older and some never have to deal with it. I want to point out here that I have never taken illegal drugs and I have never abused any kind of drugs, I have never knowingly drank alcohol and once I found out liquid cough medicine had alcohol in it I have stopped taking that also. At a young age I had a friend and she had many family members who struggled with addictions and I could see (even at my young age) just how difficult their lives were because of it so I avoided all those things so that I wouldn't have those difficulties, which is why I find it rather absurd that at the age of 23 I began suffering symptoms that would usually only be brought on by the illegal use of drugs and alcohol abuse.
I Have a movement disorder that has left me disabled, I have had to give up many things I love, and at times I am not allowed to be alone. One never seems to notice how great their alone time is until they no longer have it. Despite all my attempts to stay positive at times it is definitaly overwhelming not only for me but also for my family and friends that are aware of most of my daily struggles, or for those who have to stand by and watch and my body tosses around and hear the moans and groans knowing that nothing is being done, and as far as anyone knows nothing can be done to make them stop or to "fix" me.
Before becoming disabled in 2008 I can honestly tell you my life wasn't exactly a walk in the park, it has always seemed to be full of trails, disappointments, and discouragements. I have strayed from the church, I have found my way back, I have loved and lost, and I have found love where I never imagined it to be. I am not complaining, don't get me wrong, I am thinkful that I have learned all I know and that I have been able to grow and mature as I have, without the struggles I wouldn't have my strength. I always knew that God would never give me more than I could handle, and then in 2006 I was sitting in a Abnormal Psychology class and at the end of the lesson on schitzophrenia I walked out questioning that. I remember in the lesson the teacher said that most people don't begin suffering from schizophrenia until the later teens early 20s, and that it is usually brought on by great stress, as if the mind snaps under the pressure which meant to me that obviously God has given some more than they can handle and in return they become schizophrenic.
With all the stress in my life I have often wondered if/when I might snap and start hearing voices, at some times my struggles where so intense I was certain I couldn't survive through them. I never cursed the Lord, I can't say I have never questioned him, but as far as I can remember I have never cursed him because I knew that despite the point that he had control over all things, Satan was allowed certain 'priveleges' and I know my struggles were sent by Satan and not God and so it seemed I was constantly cursing Satan. And the biggest hit was knowing that at points God can give you more than you can handle or there would be no schizophrenics running around hearin voices.
well to get back to my ahha/'wowser' momment. In August, school was about to begin and I lost my little helper, Jessica, and and that left me with 7+ kids that I was watching (due to a huge misunderstanding/scheduling conflict) and I stood infront of a judge who was dumbfounded that I was as sick as I was and that my husband was leaving me home with my son (he wasn't aware that when I lost my little helper I was now babysitting the kids she was taking care of while keeping an eye on me--it is a rather complicated situation). After listening to the judge and talking to a few other people I began to panic, I started to imagine what could happen, I started to not only question my abilities but I also questioned my worth. My health started to falter and I as the stress piled on I continued to wonder just how could I continue to do what I was doing.
I really started to panic as I continously contacted person after person, and agency after agency looking for a helper who could replace Jessica, but no such help, I either didn't qualify, or couldn't pay what they wanted. I really started to fear just what might happen if I was to fall and hurt myself with all those kids in my care. I pretty much had nervous break down, and the point that we had 2 extra little boys living with us that were not making my life at all easy didn't help. I finally did admit defeat and I sent those 2 little boys home to their mom, who then sent them who knows where, but that is a different story for another post. I asked the mom that she not bring the boys back, suddenly the 7 kids I watched where only 5 and since one went to a school that was in another town he no longer came to the house on a daily basis, so that took the 5 kids to 4, and since my son was in school from 8am till 2:30 pm that meant I really only cared for 3 kids.
I know without a doubt in my mind that if I was to stop babysitting all together that the parents I babysit for wouldn't be able to find anyone else who would only charge them what I am charging, I have looked and babysitters seem to want well over $2 an hour, some want as much as $10 an hour, I even saw one who was asking for $15 an hour, I charge $10 a day for one kid and $15 a day for 2 and with both my families struggling financially I know what a blessing it is for them to get such a great deal. I was building up the strength to tell the parents that I was getting too sick to babysit anymore and one of the mommies (she was completely unaware of what I was about to do) made it a point to thank me, she was in tears as she thanked me for all the help I have been, and she admitted if it wasn't for me she wouldn't be able to work, and as a single mom she really has to work.
anyhow, after that I couldn't give up, so I bucked up and I did what any mom would and I just dealt the card dealed me. I learned my strengths, and I learned my weaknesses. I learned who I could count on in a bind and I figured out who woudl flake. I found true friends and I discovered fakes one also. But when all was said and done I realized that I'm a survivor, at least to this point. When I finally leaned to the Lord and started following his guidance I realized I had way more strength than I coul even imagine. Life isn't perfect, I still struggle, I'm still sick, and some days I just have to admit defeat and throw up a white flag, but I have come to love the days I get to spend with my 3 little angels (who hold their halos up on their horns).
Anyhow, today when I logged onto facebook I noticed a friend was online and so I thought I would just say Hey, but as I began chatting with her I remembered totally complaining and panicking to her a few months earlier about not knowing what I would do without a helper, and so as I informed her that hope wasn't lost I realized exactly what every one meant when they told me 'god would never give me more than I coudl handle.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Changes to Comments
You know it very much saddens me when i put forth effort and pour out my heart for the world to see and the only comments I get in response i get are not only negative (and use what I would consider rather inappropriate language for a blog of this nature) but also are left by Mr/s Annonymous.
Does this hurt me because they touched a nerve with the harsh judgements they made? Does it hurt me because I am sensitive? Does it hurt be because I am trying to please everyone? and to be truthfully honest, I do not believe that I am hurt for any of the above reasons. I want to take a minute and share just why I am hurt.
I may not blog regularly, or as often as some may think that I need to, I may take vacations from blogging as despite popular belief I do actually get rather busy at times and have a life outside of this blog, but even when I am not posting I am constantly thinking about things I can blog about. This blog, although it is probably my worst blog in most people's opinion, is actually the blog I hold most sacred, because it is where I come and spill my heart and soul, where I share my thoughts and my beliefs. This has been particularly hard for me to do because I know all to well how quickly people can judge one another, and for that reason I have spent my life trying to hide my religion from others.
It wasn't until recent years that I have been open to strangers about my religion. Being that I belong to a rather unique church that many people do not understand I have had some good responses and some very negative responses when people find out that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I feel bad for those who judge harshly without knowledge of what they are judging but realize also that by hiding away my religion I have only helped Satan by not working to help educate others about my religion.
Now, I have said it before and I will say it again, I am by no means a scholar when it comes to church doctrine. I once had to have a Bishop explain what the Word of Wisdom was--I lived by it but didn't know that was what it was called. Due to medical reasons I have nearly forgot everything I learned from the religious classes I took in High school and College, I couldn't tell you which books are in the New Testament or the Old Testament, or even the book of mormon. I know abotu stories, like when they didn't have enough bread to feed the people and yet after they passed it around and everyone ate till they were full they still had the same amount of bread they had in the beginning, I know about that storie, but I couldn't tell you where to find it or any major details. I am not trying to preach and I am not trying to demand everyone to repentance.
So why am I do this blog? Because I feel strongly that through this blog I can grow in my religion and gain a better understanding of not only my religion but also gain a better respect for other's religions. I believe that if this site becomes what I want it to that it can not only help me to grow spiritually but it can also help others to better understand a very confusing religion. I don't plan on this site changing anyone's life (well I expect it will definitely improve my own, but other than that) but I would hope that those who read it will at least help me to reach my goals.
When I changed this site I knew many would have harsh things to say about it and I already expressed that I don't care if you don't like it, I am not doing this for everyone and not everyone will like it, I am ok with that. It is perfectly fine if you visit my site, read a sentence or 2 and leave and never return--I am not out to save the world, it isn't my responsability to make sure everyone visits this site daily, to have that expectation would be unrealistic. It is between you and whoever you believe in (be it God or some other entity or being) and so if you don't like my site I wish you luck--I have 4 other sites you can visit and if none of those sites impress you then it just wasn't meant to be and I do hope you find a blog that suits you. It is your choice whether you read my blog or not, as it is my choice to post like I want.
Now, back to the negative comments left--if you don't like that I don't always use spell check (which I find rather commical that people nit pick about spelling in a day and age when people text words like 'txt me l8er' and yet that is perfectly acceptable, but heaven forbid I misspell a word cause then nobody i able to understand what I am saying--get over it) please just quit visiting my blog, don't sit and post annonymous comments informing me how crappy my spelling abilities are--I know they are crappy, and it isn't my inability to spell, it is my inability to type, not to mention I am still trying to learn how to use this newfangled laptop that is has such a sensitive mouse pad that anytime my thumb huffers over it moves and relocates where I am typing and therefore one minute I will be typing at the bottom of the page and then I am typing at the top of the page, I usually can locate where it went to but sometimes not and therefore if I cannot locate it I cannot correct it.
I don't know if anybody who reads this site has visited my medical blog, but incase you know nothing about my medical issues, I have issues with my muscles and controlling movements that others would find simple, yet to me they are impossible--this is something new in my life and I am slowly (very slowly) learning how to deal with it, but I thank the great Lord above daily that I am still a live and that for the most part I am extremely healthy and able to do a lot of things, even if it has limited my typing ability and usually the reason why a lot of my words have letters turned around (so instead of what I might type whta, or anything ending in ing ends up with ign, I have very much worked on locating and correcting those errors, but sometimes they are overlooked). So for those of you who are understanding, I do apologize, I am working on it and I appreciate your continued support, for those of you who think my site 'sucks' because I can't spell--get over it or get off my site!
I'm sorry, my world doesn't revovle around Mr/s annonymous. Maybe if you had enough decency to sign your name to your comments I might care a little bit more about what you say, but since you don't even dare to face me then I don't care about your opinion. I find I only have to answer to myself and God, not to Mr/s Annonymous and for that reason I have banned Mr/s Annonymous from commenting because unless you are willing to put your name to your negative comments I don't want to hear them.
Now concerning my use of commas instead of periods--a period is to be placed at the end of a thought, I have add and so my thoughts continue on, sometimes never ending, and so I use commas, because I have to give people a chance to breathe. Again, if this issue is such a big issue that it makes my blog 'suck', in your opinion, then please don't bother returning because even if I was to correct this you would still find something else to nit pick at so either get over it or don't return.
Now that I have gotten that out of my system, I do want to encourage you all who now cannot comment because Mr/s annonymous ruined it for everyone else, there is still an open ID options, but if that option is abused then I will be forced to take it away also.
I also want to take a moment and point out that I am always asking others for their opinions, and I want an honest opinion whether it be positive or negative, I don't mind being told that I have a lot of Typos, I don't mind being told I need to use periods more--it doesn't bother me, honestly. Like I said, my feelings aren't hurt by what was said, it was by whome said it--if you are going to be a critic, atleast be willing to sign your name to it, because I have to know who is saying it so I can judge just hwo reliable it is, and if you comment as annonymous as far as I am concerned you aren't worth listening to. When I see annonymous I see somebody sitting amongst filth and missing most their teeth, someone with little education and who is just pulling stuff out of their butt to be hear themselves think and to upset others--and to Mr/s annonymous, I don't care for your kind here, ya hear, I want this site to promote spirituality not satanism, I want this site to be uplifting and positive, not full of negativity, so please don't come back until you are willing to play nice.
Also, I know I used this word in this post, but please do not use words like "suck" unless you are talking about a baby sucking a bottle or something similar, my site does not suck, it doesn't have lips to suck with. This post is meant to be uplifting and if derrogatory comments are being left it effects the spirit of the blog, no cus words, no bible bashing, no, no, no! If you can't be an adult and can't think of better words to use then please just don't use any--it doesn't make me look bad when you say my site sucks, really it only makes you look bad, so just don't do it.
well, I have other things to do than to continue on about how to properly post comments, but really all I am asking is for a little consideration, respect, and a lot of love!
Does this hurt me because they touched a nerve with the harsh judgements they made? Does it hurt me because I am sensitive? Does it hurt be because I am trying to please everyone? and to be truthfully honest, I do not believe that I am hurt for any of the above reasons. I want to take a minute and share just why I am hurt.
I may not blog regularly, or as often as some may think that I need to, I may take vacations from blogging as despite popular belief I do actually get rather busy at times and have a life outside of this blog, but even when I am not posting I am constantly thinking about things I can blog about. This blog, although it is probably my worst blog in most people's opinion, is actually the blog I hold most sacred, because it is where I come and spill my heart and soul, where I share my thoughts and my beliefs. This has been particularly hard for me to do because I know all to well how quickly people can judge one another, and for that reason I have spent my life trying to hide my religion from others.
It wasn't until recent years that I have been open to strangers about my religion. Being that I belong to a rather unique church that many people do not understand I have had some good responses and some very negative responses when people find out that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I feel bad for those who judge harshly without knowledge of what they are judging but realize also that by hiding away my religion I have only helped Satan by not working to help educate others about my religion.
Now, I have said it before and I will say it again, I am by no means a scholar when it comes to church doctrine. I once had to have a Bishop explain what the Word of Wisdom was--I lived by it but didn't know that was what it was called. Due to medical reasons I have nearly forgot everything I learned from the religious classes I took in High school and College, I couldn't tell you which books are in the New Testament or the Old Testament, or even the book of mormon. I know abotu stories, like when they didn't have enough bread to feed the people and yet after they passed it around and everyone ate till they were full they still had the same amount of bread they had in the beginning, I know about that storie, but I couldn't tell you where to find it or any major details. I am not trying to preach and I am not trying to demand everyone to repentance.
So why am I do this blog? Because I feel strongly that through this blog I can grow in my religion and gain a better understanding of not only my religion but also gain a better respect for other's religions. I believe that if this site becomes what I want it to that it can not only help me to grow spiritually but it can also help others to better understand a very confusing religion. I don't plan on this site changing anyone's life (well I expect it will definitely improve my own, but other than that) but I would hope that those who read it will at least help me to reach my goals.
When I changed this site I knew many would have harsh things to say about it and I already expressed that I don't care if you don't like it, I am not doing this for everyone and not everyone will like it, I am ok with that. It is perfectly fine if you visit my site, read a sentence or 2 and leave and never return--I am not out to save the world, it isn't my responsability to make sure everyone visits this site daily, to have that expectation would be unrealistic. It is between you and whoever you believe in (be it God or some other entity or being) and so if you don't like my site I wish you luck--I have 4 other sites you can visit and if none of those sites impress you then it just wasn't meant to be and I do hope you find a blog that suits you. It is your choice whether you read my blog or not, as it is my choice to post like I want.
Now, back to the negative comments left--if you don't like that I don't always use spell check (which I find rather commical that people nit pick about spelling in a day and age when people text words like 'txt me l8er' and yet that is perfectly acceptable, but heaven forbid I misspell a word cause then nobody i able to understand what I am saying--get over it) please just quit visiting my blog, don't sit and post annonymous comments informing me how crappy my spelling abilities are--I know they are crappy, and it isn't my inability to spell, it is my inability to type, not to mention I am still trying to learn how to use this newfangled laptop that is has such a sensitive mouse pad that anytime my thumb huffers over it moves and relocates where I am typing and therefore one minute I will be typing at the bottom of the page and then I am typing at the top of the page, I usually can locate where it went to but sometimes not and therefore if I cannot locate it I cannot correct it.
I don't know if anybody who reads this site has visited my medical blog, but incase you know nothing about my medical issues, I have issues with my muscles and controlling movements that others would find simple, yet to me they are impossible--this is something new in my life and I am slowly (very slowly) learning how to deal with it, but I thank the great Lord above daily that I am still a live and that for the most part I am extremely healthy and able to do a lot of things, even if it has limited my typing ability and usually the reason why a lot of my words have letters turned around (so instead of what I might type whta, or anything ending in ing ends up with ign, I have very much worked on locating and correcting those errors, but sometimes they are overlooked). So for those of you who are understanding, I do apologize, I am working on it and I appreciate your continued support, for those of you who think my site 'sucks' because I can't spell--get over it or get off my site!
I'm sorry, my world doesn't revovle around Mr/s annonymous. Maybe if you had enough decency to sign your name to your comments I might care a little bit more about what you say, but since you don't even dare to face me then I don't care about your opinion. I find I only have to answer to myself and God, not to Mr/s Annonymous and for that reason I have banned Mr/s Annonymous from commenting because unless you are willing to put your name to your negative comments I don't want to hear them.
Now concerning my use of commas instead of periods--a period is to be placed at the end of a thought, I have add and so my thoughts continue on, sometimes never ending, and so I use commas, because I have to give people a chance to breathe. Again, if this issue is such a big issue that it makes my blog 'suck', in your opinion, then please don't bother returning because even if I was to correct this you would still find something else to nit pick at so either get over it or don't return.
Now that I have gotten that out of my system, I do want to encourage you all who now cannot comment because Mr/s annonymous ruined it for everyone else, there is still an open ID options, but if that option is abused then I will be forced to take it away also.
I also want to take a moment and point out that I am always asking others for their opinions, and I want an honest opinion whether it be positive or negative, I don't mind being told that I have a lot of Typos, I don't mind being told I need to use periods more--it doesn't bother me, honestly. Like I said, my feelings aren't hurt by what was said, it was by whome said it--if you are going to be a critic, atleast be willing to sign your name to it, because I have to know who is saying it so I can judge just hwo reliable it is, and if you comment as annonymous as far as I am concerned you aren't worth listening to. When I see annonymous I see somebody sitting amongst filth and missing most their teeth, someone with little education and who is just pulling stuff out of their butt to be hear themselves think and to upset others--and to Mr/s annonymous, I don't care for your kind here, ya hear, I want this site to promote spirituality not satanism, I want this site to be uplifting and positive, not full of negativity, so please don't come back until you are willing to play nice.
Also, I know I used this word in this post, but please do not use words like "suck" unless you are talking about a baby sucking a bottle or something similar, my site does not suck, it doesn't have lips to suck with. This post is meant to be uplifting and if derrogatory comments are being left it effects the spirit of the blog, no cus words, no bible bashing, no, no, no! If you can't be an adult and can't think of better words to use then please just don't use any--it doesn't make me look bad when you say my site sucks, really it only makes you look bad, so just don't do it.
well, I have other things to do than to continue on about how to properly post comments, but really all I am asking is for a little consideration, respect, and a lot of love!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
we were blessed
i want to tell you a story about a cold stormy week here at our house. a few months before a tree limb fell and left a hole in our roof which caused a minor leak, we kept reminding our landlord and for some reason, unknown to us, it wasn't repaired, but it was just a small leak so no worries, it isn't like it rains for weeks at a time here in east Texas--except one week it did rain every day for a week, this was while we had 2 young boys living with us, one of those young boys slept in a tiny toddler bed that was given to me when i was young (yes, the one in the photo, the one covered in debris, which was Dominic's when he was little.)
it had been storming all week and then one night there was no rain, this particular night i was up late sitting in the front room on the computer when i heard a horrible commotion, i yelled at John who blamed it on Red, our dog, but i insisted that it didn't sound like a red commotion and insisted he get out of bed and go and check on it--and this is what he found.
as I saw the drywall and all the (newly laid) insulation laying on the bed the first thing i did was thank the great Lord above that he was able to hold the ceiling up until the boys were to be gone for the first night in 6 days--yes, we both knew right then and there that we were blessed (despite the gaping hole in our ceiling) because there was no child sleeping in that bed. Then I realized it was only about a week earlier when i moved my son's tall bed from that very spot to the other side of the room, where he was sleeping when the ceiling fell through.
Now i could go on and on about how little things left uncared for can turn into big gaping holes, whether it be spiritual, physical, or emotional, but that is a different post for a different day, right now i just want to leave with you that sometimes we have to look past the big gaping hole and focus on the child who was not sleeping where the debris fell, and know that the Great Lord Above was looking out for us even though our ceiling caved in and made a huge mess.
does this make sense?
Friday, October 16, 2009
Speaking to me
Yesterday I never turned on the ipod, we cleaned and ran soem errand in the morning and were late getting to bed to take naps and in my hurry to get the twins into bed I forgot to turn on the stereo and it wasn't until everyone was asleep that i realized it wasn't on and I feared turning it on would wake them up so I sat in the silence (something I don't do very often) and I can honestly tell you, I didn't like it, I didn't like it one bit.
I like hearing the music, I enjoy the melody of the nearly all the church songs, whether they be hymns, primary songs, or the few Young Women songs I have downloaded to my iPod, I enjoy all of them.
I have noticed that most the time when it plays a scripture that I just listen to the tones and have no real idea what they are talking about, but I have also noticed that if I am trying to think about a situation or what I should do or what needs to happen I not only begin listening to the words but everytime the words are exactly what I feel God would want me to hear and do, which seems a little captain obvious of me, but some one had to say it.
I know how it is always beign said that the scriptures can speak to you, and that you can take from them what God wants you to know--I guess it wasn't until I downloaded everything to my ipod and listened to it that I remembered just how true that was. Needless to say, this morning was a tid bit choatic and I didn't get to turn the stereo on until nap time, but I didn't forget it this time, and as i sit here listening to the words and the songs I can't help but wonder just how I survived the last 25 yrs of my life without this constant reminder of Gods love for me--OK, so maybe that is a little strong, because God shows me he loves me in many different ways and so I don't need my Ipod and this music to remind me of Gods love for me, it just seems to be the cliff notes of all the religious lessons I have learned.
I do find it awfully funny that when the music isn't on and i am faced with a choice there is usually a song stuck in my head, or a phrase I think of from a song that helps me to answer the question or to make the choice--Just the other day i was going through some movies and saw one i have wanted to watch with John for a long time and was going to suggest we watch that one together, but before I could somethign promted me to check the rating, it was R rated (now know that years ago we got rid of all our R and unrated--well not the kids cartoon unrated, but you know what I mean--movies, we didn't own any "adult" movies or we would have gotten rid of those too) and being the type of movie it is I knew it was R rated because it probably had a steamy bedroom scene in it, John and I are both adults and so it wouldn't be so bad if we watched it and just fastforwarded through that scene, I mean I was a CNA for how long, it isn't like I haven't seen a ton of naked bodies--as i sat trying to convince myself that it was still ok for us to watch that movie knowing it was R rated the words to a song popped into my head about how it is up to me to choose what I let into my house, whether it be good or bad I have to choose, and that is when I realized that I already have "flashbacks" of showering old men and I didn't need anymore images of naked people in my head and therefore the movie had to go.
So, in what ways have you noticed the spirit is trying to talk to you? or in what ways have you been promted to choose the right?
Also, do you think the R rated movie I spoke of before (Romeo in love, i think is the title) should become a white elephant gift or should it just be thrown away? what would you do with it?
I like hearing the music, I enjoy the melody of the nearly all the church songs, whether they be hymns, primary songs, or the few Young Women songs I have downloaded to my iPod, I enjoy all of them.
I have noticed that most the time when it plays a scripture that I just listen to the tones and have no real idea what they are talking about, but I have also noticed that if I am trying to think about a situation or what I should do or what needs to happen I not only begin listening to the words but everytime the words are exactly what I feel God would want me to hear and do, which seems a little captain obvious of me, but some one had to say it.
I know how it is always beign said that the scriptures can speak to you, and that you can take from them what God wants you to know--I guess it wasn't until I downloaded everything to my ipod and listened to it that I remembered just how true that was. Needless to say, this morning was a tid bit choatic and I didn't get to turn the stereo on until nap time, but I didn't forget it this time, and as i sit here listening to the words and the songs I can't help but wonder just how I survived the last 25 yrs of my life without this constant reminder of Gods love for me--OK, so maybe that is a little strong, because God shows me he loves me in many different ways and so I don't need my Ipod and this music to remind me of Gods love for me, it just seems to be the cliff notes of all the religious lessons I have learned.
I do find it awfully funny that when the music isn't on and i am faced with a choice there is usually a song stuck in my head, or a phrase I think of from a song that helps me to answer the question or to make the choice--Just the other day i was going through some movies and saw one i have wanted to watch with John for a long time and was going to suggest we watch that one together, but before I could somethign promted me to check the rating, it was R rated (now know that years ago we got rid of all our R and unrated--well not the kids cartoon unrated, but you know what I mean--movies, we didn't own any "adult" movies or we would have gotten rid of those too) and being the type of movie it is I knew it was R rated because it probably had a steamy bedroom scene in it, John and I are both adults and so it wouldn't be so bad if we watched it and just fastforwarded through that scene, I mean I was a CNA for how long, it isn't like I haven't seen a ton of naked bodies--as i sat trying to convince myself that it was still ok for us to watch that movie knowing it was R rated the words to a song popped into my head about how it is up to me to choose what I let into my house, whether it be good or bad I have to choose, and that is when I realized that I already have "flashbacks" of showering old men and I didn't need anymore images of naked people in my head and therefore the movie had to go.
So, in what ways have you noticed the spirit is trying to talk to you? or in what ways have you been promted to choose the right?
Also, do you think the R rated movie I spoke of before (Romeo in love, i think is the title) should become a white elephant gift or should it just be thrown away? what would you do with it?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
God Works in Mysterious ways
The other day, to my suprise, my son didn't have school, it was Columbus day and becaue I was unaware Dominic was woken up bright and early to go to school, and by the time my friend (who I had called to see if she coudl take him to school) informed me that there was no school he was too awake to go back to sleep, so I had a full day of my little angel keeping me company. The twins showed up bright and early as usual, and because it was raining we had the 3 kids and 2 dogs stuck in the house unable to go outside and burn some of their endless energy.
One can imagine that naptime didn't come soon enough for me this particular day, and even when it came I had to struggle with a incooperative 4 yr old who was insisting he didn't need a nap and incidently keeping the twins from taking theirs--after finally threatening his life my son decided he didn't have to take a nap but he would be quiet so the twins could take there, but not before he knocked the abnormally large glass of water he brought me off the little play stage I had sat it on, and ofcourse all that water poured onto my laptop.
As i frantically tried to dry my laptop and ordered Dominic to dry the floor I wondered to myself why the schools had to be closed that particluar rainy day and why they couldn't wait for a beautiful sun shiney day to have a holiday. The twins have I have worked very hard to set up a certain schedule and having my 4 yr old home was really screwing things up. Anyhow, I don't knwo what I did or how it happened but as I sat and fumed about just how rotten my son was being suddenly my computer started playing music, and suddenly it begins telling me to "count your blessings name them one by one, count your blessings...."
I couldn't help but smile, and suddenly all the rage seemed to melt away as I was reminded of all the teary nights when I begged and pleaded for "just one" and how truly blessed I was when, for the first time the test read "pregnant" after uncountable negatives, and how scared I was as the wheeled me to the operatign to room to remove my baby a month early only to wake up in the recovery room with my baby gone and nobody could tell me why. As one can tell, as a child gets older it is so easy to forget just what a blessing they are, specially when they are being little boogers. My son though is most definitely a blessings, the trails we went through to get him here and the trails he has been through since enterig this world, we know for a fact if it wasn't for the grace of God our little miracle wouldn't have made it, I just feel bad it took my computer "talking to me" to remind me just how truly special he is (and I mean that not in a special ed kind of way, I mean it in a he is our little miracle.
Can you think of a time when you were touched by the spirit in an unusual way? If so, please share it with us, if you don't mind
One can imagine that naptime didn't come soon enough for me this particular day, and even when it came I had to struggle with a incooperative 4 yr old who was insisting he didn't need a nap and incidently keeping the twins from taking theirs--after finally threatening his life my son decided he didn't have to take a nap but he would be quiet so the twins could take there, but not before he knocked the abnormally large glass of water he brought me off the little play stage I had sat it on, and ofcourse all that water poured onto my laptop.
As i frantically tried to dry my laptop and ordered Dominic to dry the floor I wondered to myself why the schools had to be closed that particluar rainy day and why they couldn't wait for a beautiful sun shiney day to have a holiday. The twins have I have worked very hard to set up a certain schedule and having my 4 yr old home was really screwing things up. Anyhow, I don't knwo what I did or how it happened but as I sat and fumed about just how rotten my son was being suddenly my computer started playing music, and suddenly it begins telling me to "count your blessings name them one by one, count your blessings...."
I couldn't help but smile, and suddenly all the rage seemed to melt away as I was reminded of all the teary nights when I begged and pleaded for "just one" and how truly blessed I was when, for the first time the test read "pregnant" after uncountable negatives, and how scared I was as the wheeled me to the operatign to room to remove my baby a month early only to wake up in the recovery room with my baby gone and nobody could tell me why. As one can tell, as a child gets older it is so easy to forget just what a blessing they are, specially when they are being little boogers. My son though is most definitely a blessings, the trails we went through to get him here and the trails he has been through since enterig this world, we know for a fact if it wasn't for the grace of God our little miracle wouldn't have made it, I just feel bad it took my computer "talking to me" to remind me just how truly special he is (and I mean that not in a special ed kind of way, I mean it in a he is our little miracle.
Can you think of a time when you were touched by the spirit in an unusual way? If so, please share it with us, if you don't mind
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
My best friend melody
OK, so, I want to tell ya'll about a friend i met 5 yrs ago, she has been such an inspiration to me, Heaven knows my world would be a whole lot different had she not walked up and introduced herself to me in relief society, funny thing is had it not been for her and a bag of shoes a co-worker of mine gave me that didn't fit me or any of my other friends at the time I would have never gotten to know this amazing woman, and now I want to share my special Angel with the world.
Actually, this particular friend of mine has spent the last few years being a stay at home mom, I met her when she has 2 young children, her husband was a full time college student while also working full time at the college--before that he worked at a furniture store, but his commission wasn't cutting it anymore. Now she is a mother of 4 beautiful children, her faith is as strong as ever, her husband is still a college student who has recently decided that the Lord wants him to go into Law so he has taken a couple semesters off to work out the details and to give his wife an opportunity to do what she feels the Lord wants her to--Help people help themselves!
These last few years she has scrimped and saved and made every penny count, she has used it up, worn it out, or done without, she is the type of person that takes a shirt and uses it till it can't be worn as a short any longer and then used the material to make something else until there is nothing left, she can is constantly amazing me as to all her many talents when it comes to stretching a dollar, I almost died the day she told me she spent only $60 a month on food to feed a family of five(well, ok I can't remember how much exactly but i remember it only being double digits and I also remember it cost us double that a week to keep food in our house so I think it was 60 but don't quote me) and that was without food stamps, they never ate out because she always cooked (rather spectacular meals, may I add) and they only drove their car (which they were able to fully pay off because of their dedication) about once a week if that--they walked to church and her husband walked to the bus stop about a mile away to go to school and work, and because he was a student he could use public transit for free--when I went back to school we woudl actually pick her husband up while my husband drove me to the bus stop and then ride the bus together--it was also on my husband's way to work so it worked out nice that way.
Anyhow, what I am trying to say, is she is a very amazing woman, she has taught me so much and I have always been amazed at her dedication when it comes to anything she does in life, and so I now that if she has her heart set on helping people save their homes she is not only will she help people but she will do it with flying colors.
When I asked her to explain to me what she is doing she said: I am helping people save their homes. I help them to lower interest rates, lower their payments and sometimes even lower their principle. We help people to keep them from foreclosure. When I asked her why, her response was:I want to prevent any more tent cities being set up. Many cities have them. I don't want them to continue.
So who is this saint of a friend of mine? Her name is Melody Jones and if you want her to help you save your home you can call her cell at number 801-688-2985 and her alternate phone number is 801-528-6719. She lives and works in the state of Utah but can help people all over (even Texas she says) you can even check out the company, Fortified Financial, to find out more details, so please spread the word, if the person you refer says you referred them you could even get a little bonus, referred to as a marketing fee (which isn't why I am doing this, I just know how great of a person she is and so I want to be able to help her, as the Lord says, when you are in the service of others you are in the service of the Lord) so please look into it and spread the word--she has the faith to move mountains and I know she can save people's houses.
And I can personally assure you that if she is a part of it that this is perfectly legit, she wouldn't never work for dishonest people, this isn't a scam, and this will work!!!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Today is the beginning of the rest of my life
OK, so maybe today isn't as dramatic as it might sound but I am hoping to be able to do some pretty big things. I have been dabling with all my blogs and have been kind of flaky and I had sucessfully acquired folloowers and then I changed the topic of this blog and lost all my followers and the traffic to this site hasn't been too overwhelming so I have just kind of let it become forgotten but I decided today would be the day I take some action--this site actually means a lot ot me, I have a great testimony in my religion and yet the harder I try the harder Satan tries to tempt me to wonder and I don't want to, this site just isn't a place for me to share my thoughts on religion, this site helps me remember who I am, what I want from life and time there after, this site is a reminder of my goals, my dreams, and just why I have to avoid Satan's temptations.
So I am taking a big step, I have taken off all the other posts and this site is going to be soly for religious posts, so I am going to put my heart out there and if nobody reads this then that is ok, I guess, because then I won't have shared my heart, but I hope that this site is sucessful because I am putting my heart out there and I know if I get people who are also wiling ot put themselves out there that together we can grow and learn and grow closer to God
I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints but welcome members of all religions to join in and voice their opinions I just ask that we keep things uplifting, and absolutely no Bible bashing or religion bashing--please be kind.
thanks a ton, and hope you can enjoy this site as much as I enjoy having it
So I am taking a big step, I have taken off all the other posts and this site is going to be soly for religious posts, so I am going to put my heart out there and if nobody reads this then that is ok, I guess, because then I won't have shared my heart, but I hope that this site is sucessful because I am putting my heart out there and I know if I get people who are also wiling ot put themselves out there that together we can grow and learn and grow closer to God
I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints but welcome members of all religions to join in and voice their opinions I just ask that we keep things uplifting, and absolutely no Bible bashing or religion bashing--please be kind.
thanks a ton, and hope you can enjoy this site as much as I enjoy having it
Monday, October 5, 2009
Yesterday we were able to listen to conference via my husbands laptop which we hooked up to the stereo so we could hear it, unfortunately none of us were willing to crunch into the office space to watch it, but we did listen, especially to the afternoon session, and it was amazing, I am hoping that my family will be willing to listen to the Saturday sessions at a later time because we missed both of those, not because we didn't want to watch them, to be truthfully honest I was too tired and so I slept through the morning session (I had been up early to go get an MRI and then we stopped by at the fair on the way home, so I was exhausted)
Anyhow, this, I do believe, is the first time I went to the relief society session and John attended the priesthood session, he came home so excited and even put on the priesthood session for us to listen to during the break between the 2 sessions on sunday--I thought that rather impressive since usually he wants as little to do with conference as possible, but i must admit, John is definitely a work in progress, but in the 10 yrs that I have known him (6 that I have been married to him) the progress has definitely been made and he has come a long way.)
John has been trying so hard to carry out his priesthood duties and is doing a rather good job at it, I have noticed that the more I try to invite the spirit into my house, whether it be by me keeping the house tidier than usual down to what "media" we allow to be enjoyed in the house, and the harder John strives to carry out his priesthood duties the easier it is to be a happy family--we don't fight as much (I didn't say we don't fight at all, we still fight, but we don't fight as much) and even though oone would think the more we are doing the less time we will have together, turns out it is the exact opposite--turns out that we have more time to enjoy each other, since we aren't fighting as much we get to enjoy that time, we aren't fighting over whose turn it is to do the dishes, I am no longer worried about how I am going to do everything I need to do, instead I do what I can and since I keep up rather than catch up it seems so much easier and less time consuming, I am probably working a lot more, but it doesn't seem like it and it also seems as if the work is easier
either way, I always thought a tidy house and a righteous family meant we never had time together because my husband would be too busy with his calling and I too busy cleaning and cooking, and although we aren't perfect, my house still gets dirty and my family is stuck fending for their own food, I am noticing a big difference, and it might just be that the harder we are trying the easier it seems because the Lord is on our side helping us out, we are no longer fighting the stream, we are still struggling to withold satan's power, but it seems as if he is stuck outside, I noticed that the last few fights we have had were in the car, not in the house, that our house is actually a place where we can escape satans power because I feel that the Lord is protecting us--I know that may sound weird, but that is what I have noticed since I have decided to finally put my foot down and make a few changes--like I said though, we aren't perfect, far from it actually, but the small changes I have already seen just prove to me that we are changing for the right reasons and that we are being rewarded, and for that I am thankful.
I keep thinking of all the judgments i use to make about "churchy people" but now I realize that those judgments were just one of the little things Satan did to keep me from enjoying the peace that comes when you live the way the Lord wants you to--I know our struggles aren't over, but I know with God by our side we can do anything--we might not like it, but God can give us the strength as long as we keep up the faith.
Anyhow, this, I do believe, is the first time I went to the relief society session and John attended the priesthood session, he came home so excited and even put on the priesthood session for us to listen to during the break between the 2 sessions on sunday--I thought that rather impressive since usually he wants as little to do with conference as possible, but i must admit, John is definitely a work in progress, but in the 10 yrs that I have known him (6 that I have been married to him) the progress has definitely been made and he has come a long way.)
John has been trying so hard to carry out his priesthood duties and is doing a rather good job at it, I have noticed that the more I try to invite the spirit into my house, whether it be by me keeping the house tidier than usual down to what "media" we allow to be enjoyed in the house, and the harder John strives to carry out his priesthood duties the easier it is to be a happy family--we don't fight as much (I didn't say we don't fight at all, we still fight, but we don't fight as much) and even though oone would think the more we are doing the less time we will have together, turns out it is the exact opposite--turns out that we have more time to enjoy each other, since we aren't fighting as much we get to enjoy that time, we aren't fighting over whose turn it is to do the dishes, I am no longer worried about how I am going to do everything I need to do, instead I do what I can and since I keep up rather than catch up it seems so much easier and less time consuming, I am probably working a lot more, but it doesn't seem like it and it also seems as if the work is easier
either way, I always thought a tidy house and a righteous family meant we never had time together because my husband would be too busy with his calling and I too busy cleaning and cooking, and although we aren't perfect, my house still gets dirty and my family is stuck fending for their own food, I am noticing a big difference, and it might just be that the harder we are trying the easier it seems because the Lord is on our side helping us out, we are no longer fighting the stream, we are still struggling to withold satan's power, but it seems as if he is stuck outside, I noticed that the last few fights we have had were in the car, not in the house, that our house is actually a place where we can escape satans power because I feel that the Lord is protecting us--I know that may sound weird, but that is what I have noticed since I have decided to finally put my foot down and make a few changes--like I said though, we aren't perfect, far from it actually, but the small changes I have already seen just prove to me that we are changing for the right reasons and that we are being rewarded, and for that I am thankful.
I keep thinking of all the judgments i use to make about "churchy people" but now I realize that those judgments were just one of the little things Satan did to keep me from enjoying the peace that comes when you live the way the Lord wants you to--I know our struggles aren't over, but I know with God by our side we can do anything--we might not like it, but God can give us the strength as long as we keep up the faith.
Friday, October 2, 2009
sick days
I think the thing i find hardest is being sick--this coming from somebody who took a record amount of sick days fromink I am still technically on sick leave from work when I was working as a flight attendant, a job that I that still considers me on sick leave after over a year of not being allowed to return to work--yes, I find being sick, I mean really sick, like can't lift your head cause you hurt so bad sick, is probably one of the hardest things I have to deal with--even harder than dealing with 5 kids under the age of 3.
so the last few days I have had to throw in the towel, because on top of being congested and the usual body aches that come with a cold I have noticed severe pain from less than mild exercise, as well as back pain after hurting my back--now with all that pain and the point that I have Neurocardiogenic syncope (a condition that causes me to pas out when my heart is under severe stress) has left me unable to do my normal daily activities, I have been at home stuck in bed wishing, just wishing I could muster up the strength to vacuum the front room and hall and stand long enough to do the dishes, I finally have a good reason to lay around and do nothing and yet I am irritated beyond believe that I'm not doing anything productive.
why is it that I can't help thinking about all the people I am letting down, all the things I could be doing to help others out if only I wasn't sick just keeps consuming my every thought--and yet I am now forced to take sick leave while I am on sick leave, which makes me wonder just where my obsession with helping everybody out came from.
all my childhood my mom made it a point to teach my siblings and me good work ethics, but at what point did good work ethics turn into an unhealthy obsession with pleasing everyone? Was it the day my mom's mini van got stuck in the snow and my mom walked to visit all her home health patients, including the ones who lived out of town (granted we lived in a small town, but there was one patient that lived about 15 miles from our house, and just imagine the weight of her nursing bag that she had to take with her), I always accredited that day as the best lesson my mom could teach me, but today I wonder was my mom over obsessed, too? Did my mom not teach us when it was OK to say "NO!" because my mom herself didn't know just how to tell her employer she just couldn't do it?
either way, before I get to thinking too deep I just wanted to let ya'll know i am sorry i haven't been posting lately but unfortunately I have been too busy trying to avoid the point that I am sick and currently unable to keep up with my daily activities, but one day (hopefully very soon) life will return to normal and i will return to my regular routines, which include daily blogs
so the last few days I have had to throw in the towel, because on top of being congested and the usual body aches that come with a cold I have noticed severe pain from less than mild exercise, as well as back pain after hurting my back--now with all that pain and the point that I have Neurocardiogenic syncope (a condition that causes me to pas out when my heart is under severe stress) has left me unable to do my normal daily activities, I have been at home stuck in bed wishing, just wishing I could muster up the strength to vacuum the front room and hall and stand long enough to do the dishes, I finally have a good reason to lay around and do nothing and yet I am irritated beyond believe that I'm not doing anything productive.
why is it that I can't help thinking about all the people I am letting down, all the things I could be doing to help others out if only I wasn't sick just keeps consuming my every thought--and yet I am now forced to take sick leave while I am on sick leave, which makes me wonder just where my obsession with helping everybody out came from.
all my childhood my mom made it a point to teach my siblings and me good work ethics, but at what point did good work ethics turn into an unhealthy obsession with pleasing everyone? Was it the day my mom's mini van got stuck in the snow and my mom walked to visit all her home health patients, including the ones who lived out of town (granted we lived in a small town, but there was one patient that lived about 15 miles from our house, and just imagine the weight of her nursing bag that she had to take with her), I always accredited that day as the best lesson my mom could teach me, but today I wonder was my mom over obsessed, too? Did my mom not teach us when it was OK to say "NO!" because my mom herself didn't know just how to tell her employer she just couldn't do it?
either way, before I get to thinking too deep I just wanted to let ya'll know i am sorry i haven't been posting lately but unfortunately I have been too busy trying to avoid the point that I am sick and currently unable to keep up with my daily activities, but one day (hopefully very soon) life will return to normal and i will return to my regular routines, which include daily blogs
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