~~*~~Friends~~*~~

OK, so I just want to point out just how much I have thought about friends lately, about past, about current friends, about my friends I have lost touch with, about friends that turned out not to really be a friend, about friends I have moved away from, about friends that moved away from me, about busy friends, about friends I have lost because I was too busy, about work friends, and school friends, about church friends and about friends I thought were gone for ever only to discover they weren't that far gone after all.

yes, lately I have been thinking about friends, so it was a very pleasant surprise when I made my way into relief society yesterday (for the first time in what seems like months) to discover that the lesson was on friendships. I have been going through a lot lately and I have definitely realized just how important friends are, I have also realized how easy it is to think someone is your friend only to discover they were just using you for their own self gain. I have also learned that sometimes you might have friends and not even know it, that maybe that person you thought was just an acquaintance of yours turns out to be the best friend you have ever had.

I remember when I was a young child I had those friends I spent every day with, and others that didn't live so close but still enjoyed spending time with, I remember rushing to get chores done and homework done so I could enjoy time spent with them, I remember studying together and doing projects as a team--I remember when my life revolved around my friendships, building them, strengthening them, and enjoying them, and yet about 15 yrs later I haven't even spoken to those friends I thought I would "just die if I don't get to go to their house today" because as time grew our priorities changed, some moved away, others grew apart, some wanted different things from life and others just realized the only difference they wanted was not to be my friend, and then there were a few that I evaluated our realationship and realized it wasn't what I wanted in a friendship.

As we grew older we realized we expected different things from life, some of my friends decided they didn't want anything to do with my religion or anybody that had anything to do with it, which broke my heart as I slowly watched them take up drinking, then smoking, then drugs, somethings the order that their values changed varied, but needless to say, as their values changed so did the time they spent with me, but honestly it wasn't because I wanted it to change, just eventually I got the hint when they quit returning my calls, my messages, my e-mails, when they avoided me at school, and then later they just seemed to vanish into oblivion. I find it amazing that some one I shared my hopes and dreams with could just vanish into thin air, as if they never existed in the first place--I also find it peculiar that friends I grew up and swore we would never grow apart would just start ignoring me because I wasn't in the "hip" crowd--but the truth is, that those friends turned out not to be friends at all.

And then there are those friends who have found me despite the miles between us, I still think about the time I got a call from a long lost friend, she finally remembered my old phone number and called my parents to get my current phone number--Luckily my mom has refused to move since i was born, which my friend pointed out was the only reason she was able to find me. I also think about a friend that moved away when we were just little girls, only to find out that her and I lived not too far from each other as adults and actually belonged to the same internet site for a while before discovering who she really was. Granted we don't have spend the same time together as we did as youth and now that I have moved to Texas it makes it hard to go over for a play date, but it is still fun to visit online and reminisce about the good old days.

I also think about people I came to know through work, and through church, and through other people, people I just thought would be business associates, or someone great to babysit and later discovered were some of the best friends I have ever had, some it seems are more like family than just friends and even though I don't always have the time I need to improve our relationship, I wanted to let them all know that I do think of you often and am glad they are still willing to be apart of my life.

P.S. Jenny if you are still reading, i do hope your surgery went well today

Sept, 11th survivor video

I saw this video and thought it was special, click here to see it. This is a really neat video, it is how surviving september 11th improved his life

do gooders

As I sit here in the frontroom listening to calming church music I ponder about life, about heaven, and about how weak I am to Satan's grasp--how I know exactly what to do to avoid him and to stay on the straight and narrow and yet subconciously I seem to do everything opposite what i need to do--why is it so easy to stray and yet so hard to stay worthy?

I know the answer to that question, because Satan wants us to feel forced, like we have no choice, like we have to do it, and the Lord wants us to know we have a choice so he doesn't force us, he leaves it for us to decide. I find is so amazing just how hard satan tries, I mean, I think back to when I was a teenager and I went to Vegas with my family and there was a man on the corner handing out pornography and people were dropping it on the ground, I made the mistake of looking down and having a woman's private parts staring back at me--not a site I wanted to see, but see, Satan tries all he can to get us, he has his little evil doers out there trying to trick us and convince us that evil is the norm, that being bad is good, and that life ends when we die so why not make the most out of it.

The Lord sends missionaries out to try and spread the gospel, but there seems to be so much more evil doiers than good doers, there is so much more hate than love, and then on top of it you have the do gooders who are trying to do good but are being mocked by the evil doers and those who are neutral see the evil doers mocking the do gooders and they feel that something must be wrong with them so they don't listen to them, instead they follower the bad doers, and yet the do gooders are still standing them pleading for everyone to come to Christ, but the evil doers outnumber the do gooders, and most people have their Ipods, or cell phones up to their ears these days anyways so they wouldn't be able to hear them even if the evil doers weren't drowning them out.

as i look at my little boy I see this precious gift from God and I find myself constantly praying that he will be a do gooder, that he won't fall for satan's tactics, that he will be able to see through his lies and that he will know the truth. I fear that i might lose him to Satan, and as much as I want to command that he follow the lord i have to accept that he has a choice and that I have to let him choose, all I can do it set a good example and arm him with as much knowlegde of good that I can, and continue to pray for his soul

I find it funny that after chaning the tone of this blog and the subject content that all my followers have stopped following, and for those who stopped my heart mourns, not because they don't like me anymore (I don't care about who likes me) but because it seems to me that they have stepped over to the evil doers side00I know not everybody has to believe what I believe, but at least I am still willing to be friends with people who believe differently from me, yet others see what I believe and write me off because I have different believes than them, and that saddens me that even these days people are so close minded

I LOVE PARABLES!!!

Today I decided to listen to my New Testament on CD then to the usual music CD we listen to, and the CD I picked to listen to just happens to have parable after parable in it and I LOVE IT, I think i am listening to the beginning of LUKE, maybe a few verses from the previous book, but I have listened to the story about the Demons that where possessing a man and Jesus cast them out of him and they entered the swine and the swine ran and jumped off a cliff into the water and drowned--I like that because as I see it, even the swine (which represent the lowest of the low) knew that the demons needed to die and weren't willing to live as possessed beings (does that make sense, well it does to me, but putting it into words is hard)

I also heard th,e story about the Bread and the fish feeding the multitudes and in the end they had the same amount as when they started, yet what they started with shouldn't have been able to feed everybody--I love that story because I have a strong testimony that the Lord will bless those who believe, granted I have wondered about this testimony lately because with the economy as it is I am afraid that the church won't be able to support all that need help which has encouraged me even more to be self sufficient, the only problem is that we are running out of food storage and I just don't want to be a burden on the church when they are helping so many and have helped us so much, but that scripture story reminded me that the Lord will bless his followers so that they will not want.

I also know that the Lord blesses those who help themselves, so I also know that if I am living carelessly wasting my money on useless things taking for granted the churches generosity that when I go to get help the help won't be enough, I know if I fall Jesus will catch me and protect me, I might get hurt, but it will be a hurt that Jesus knows will help me grow and learn and make me stronger, but if I run and Jump I must face the consequences of my actions and not blame it on the Lord when I get hurt, because that just isn't how it works.

Nobody lights a light and sticks it under a bushell.....the hole body will be full of light.....Maybe it is the way light is used to reference spirituality and to represent righteousness that has been the reason for my intense fear of darkness, but then again, that is another post for another day

I need some inspiration, I am definitely in need of guidance, but why is it then when I need the spirit the most that the last thing I think to do is pray? Why is it that when I need instruction the most I don't think to look it up in the scriptures? I am going to go now and search and hopefully I will come back a better, more intelligent, more insightful, and more loving person--wish me luck

missionaries for dinner

I wish I had the time to post a nice little, well thought out post about the church and the impact it has had on my life, but instead I must go and clean my lovely house and prepare a gourmet meal for the missionaries who will be blessing us for dinner this evening--I am debating between chili mac and turkey noodle casserole--or maybe i will go all out and do spegettios, or I coudl just leave john in charge of cooking and i will stick to cleaning